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Ed Balls MP
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My cooking's so fucking good it's now a coup d'état.

Pasta La Vista, Mili

But fucking fuck we've got to stop planning in front of Maddie if she's going to keep leaking to the press. Maybe she should go on the list...

I've stuck a load in the Shad Cab fridge in tin foil if anyone wants a bit. But don't eat the cake with "for my darling David, love Hilary" icing. Cyanide plays havoc with the gastrointestinal tract.

this time last year

thought more shit would have changed

fuck shit fuck fuck

Fuck, I need a drink

Ah, Christmas. Time for reflecting on the old and decide what to set fire to in the new.

*grumbles* And that wasn't a coded attack on our dear leader. I don't do coded attacks. Just attacks.

How much d'you pay them off, Osborne?

Shame you can't please all the girls.

No justice in this fucking world.

Still. Could be worse...

*desperately scribbles note on paper*

help i think the fucker's drugged me i can't stop smiling this is worse than when we stuck alistair's head in the loo and his head went toilet-duck blue.

avenge me

Look, all I'm saying is she's got a brain on her, alright?

And fucking Twigg better be up for it. Andy, I respect your Northern bleeding heart NHS thing, but if Gove gets away with the kind of bollocks he usually gets away with under Twigg's watch I might have to shadow two departments.

'Vette, if I die on this train 'cause of this hangover, will you put "greatest player Demon Eyes ever had" on my tombstone?

Because I clearly am.

And Andy's getting decked for saying that in his speech.

*Prods belly reluctantly*


Fucking Tories fucking about with the fucking police numbers meaning I've got to fucking come back to fucking Blighty and get out of my fucking swim trunks which are so fucking snug.

*Wrestles with drawstring*

*Falls over*


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