Ed Balls MP (ontheballscity) wrote,
Ed Balls MP

*desperately scribbles note on paper*

help i think the fucker's drugged me i can't stop smiling this is worse than when we stuck alistair's head in the loo and his head went toilet-duck blue.

avenge me
Tags: skunk haired twats and other "colleagues
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It's good for publicity, alright? We've got to convince people that you're like brothers, or something close.
*giggles hysterically and scribbles faster*

yvette this is serious we're fucking bonding and i can't stop and i've agreed to play with his kids and come to his fucking birthday party and we all know what a Miliband party looks like
Be honest, you enjoy a thorough discussion about fiscal policy as much as any Miliband.

How long do these drugs last for?
*struggles not to rub cheeks*

*or Eskimo kiss*

*or crawl up into a ball and start fucking purring*

jesus yvette help
*grabs arms and tries to hold still*


What did he put in this?

I should have asked-

*whimpers, but stills*

*blinks pathetically*

I picked up wet towels for you.

*squeezes eyes shut in self-hatred*
*holds hands*

I know, honey, and I appreciate it.

where did that come from?

I still make you pick up my stuff-

*looks carefully at Ed*

Are you really okay about Ed Miliband? Or is something bothering you?
*chews lip*

fucking drugs

you liiiiiked him didn't yo-

no, no, for fuck's sake, the man's a walking advertisement for geek cream

*shakes head, hard*

he came up to me before I proposed on my thirtieth





told me h-he loved you

I -

fuck's sake!

I l-love you. Love youuuu.
These drugs have really got to you. You're talking crazy.

We'll go and see the doctor tomorrow if it hasn't gone away.
*nods, covers mouth with hand*

he still wants you I can see it don't let him take my 'Vette from me

*mimes heart*
I love you too, darling.

Go home. Drink water. Sleep. Keep yourself safe. If he's spiked your drink, I'll fucking punch him.

D'you want a hipflask for Christmas?
S'okay m-mate, 'Vette's sorted it.

*grins and stumbles*

Sadiq-ey gave me them so I wouldn't be grumpy for the article, and I wasn't was I?
Fucking Sadiq. I'll be having words with him.

Grumpy's better than drugged, mate.
*giggles and leans on shoulder*

Me-meinister of state for health, not for fuh- fucking fishface.
Erm. *pats shoulder* You're not making a great deal of sense, mate.

You don't have any plans for public appearances, do you?
*shakes head somewhat drunkenly*

N-not unless something big ha-happens in pohl- pohl-

gov'ment n-

*BlackBerry vibrates*

Oh fuh fuck a bis-biscuit
Stay out of the way, mate. You can't be trusted not to say something completely mental - everyone knows you can't handle your substances.
Buh-buh-buh defence bu-bu


budget, And- Andy

*lurches forward suddenly*
Fuck the budget. You can't form words.

*supports awkwardly* Er, I think you should probably sit down before you lose your balance or pass out and knock me over.

*grabs at sofa*

Fuh - fucking - Miliband. You always looked nice to hug, right?

*clutches head*
It's alright, Ed. *puts arm around your shoulders*

We'll get him back. Set fire to his fucking desk or something.
*absentmindedly strokes Andy's shirt and plays with collar*

F-fire. Yes. Burn the fucker.

*twists fingers into tie*
Oh, God, the drunken wandering hands...

Is there anything I can do for you, mate?
kiss me

kiss me

kiss me

kiss me

kiss me



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